Medical & Health


A FAT PAEDIATRICIAN FROM MINSK
MET A PLUMP GYNO.SURGEON FROM PINSK.
THEY MARRIED IN HASTE
THEIR TALENTS TO WASTE,
AS THEIR CHILDREN WERE ALL BORN SO THIN'SK!!

AT HER WORK, MATRON CARRIES A BLEEPER,
AT NIGHT SHE'S NOT EVEN A SLEEPER.
AS SHE HEARS ITS SWEET TONE
SHE MUST GO TO A PHONE,
AND SAYS "AM I MY SISTER'S* KEEPER"
*Nursing sister!

A NURSE AT THE CLINIC, CALLED POLLY
WAS THOUGHT BY THE DOCTORS AS JOLLY.
TO HEAR THE GIRL SHREIK
THEY SPENT CHRISTMAS WEEK
CHASING THEIR JOLLY POLLY WITH HOLLY!!


ALEX WENT TO THE MEDICS IN PAIN,
HE WAS LIMPING AND USING A CANE (WALKING STICK)
THEY ASKED HOW HE FELT,
HE REPLIED "HOW MUCH GELT",
HE RECEIVED A CHEAP SHOT IN A VEIN!!

A MAN WITH A PECULIAR HEART
WHICH DIDN'T BEAT BUT WENT RAT-TART-TART-TART.
SAW HIS DOC WHO PLAYED CRICKET,
SAID HE WAS ON A STICKY WICKET
HIS PATIENT SAID "DOCTOR, HOW WAS ZAT"?

A MAN WHO LIVED IN ALBERQUERQUE,
WAS ALLERGIC TO EATING COLD TERQUE.
ONE SLICE ON HIS PLATE
CAUSED HIM TO GYRATE,
AND HIS MOVEMENTS GREW TERRIBLY JERQUE!

AN AMERICAN GUY, CYRUS FLOOD,
MADE HIS INCOME FROM SELLING HIS BLOOD.
AT A RECENT TRANSFUSION
HE CAUSED SOME CONFUSION
ALL THEY FOUND IN THE SYRINGE WAS PURE MUD!!

AS THE PROFESSOR PREPARED A FULL SYRINGE,
HIS ENTOURAGE DIDN'T MUTTER OR CRINGE.
THEY WERE RATHER AFRAID
AN ERROR COULD BE MADE
AS THE PROF. HAD BEEN OUT ON THE BINGE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM TYNE TEES,
WHEN WITH BOYS WOULD DEVELOP A SNEEZE.
HER PROBLEM ALLERGY
CAUSED LOSS OF ENERGY,
THE BOYS THOUGHT THAT SHE HAD A DISEASE!!

A MAN WENT TO HIS DOC. FOR A CHECK,
HE COMPLAINED OF PAINS IN HIS BACK AND NECK.
THE DOC SAID "THESE TO SOOTHE………..
WE WILL HAVE TO REMOVE,"
THE MAN SAID "DOC.! YOU WON'T TURN ME INTO A WRECK?

THE DOC SAID "YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG END OF THE STICK,
I AM NOT PREPARING TO MAKE YOU FEEL SICK.
WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO SAY
I SHALL TAKE YOUR MEDICAL DICTIONARY AWAY,
YOU'VE BEEN READING WHAT MAKES A MAN TICK!!!"

THERE WAS A GOOD STUDENT NAMED JONES
WHO WAS KNOWN FOR HIS SUPPLE YOUNG BONES.
HE COULD TWIST BOTH HIS KNEES
THREE SIXTY DEGREES,
TO UNTWIST THEM HE TOOK BARBITONES!!

THERE WAS A WESTENDER NAMED SLOAN
WHO WAS VERY MUCH ACCIDENT PRONE.
HE TRIPPED OVER HIS LACE,
FELL DOWN FLAT ON HIS FACE,
FELT LIKE AN ASS WITH A BROKEN JAW-BONE!!

I TOOK TO MY BED WITH THE 'FLU,
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I SHOULD DO.
I WROTE LOTS OF NOTES,
RHYMING LINES AND SOME QUOTES,
I HOPE I DON'T CAUSE FOLKS TO SUE!!

I FOUND I WAS INCREASING IN GIRTH,
TO MY FRIENDS THIS CAUSED LOTS OF MIRTH.
I WENT ON WINTER BREAKS,
GAVE UP WINES, GAVE UP STEAKS,
I LOST INCHES AT THESE TIMES OF RE-BIRTH!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM BRAZIL,
WHO DECIDED TO GO ON THE PILL.
SHE HAD NOT ANY FEARS
SHE'D THOUGHT OF IT FOR YEARS,
SHE FELT THAT SHE SHOULD KNOW ALL THE DRILL!!

A YOUNG SOLDIER FROM NORTH ADELAIDE,
WENT ON COURSES TO LEARN SOME FIRST AID.
A HERO HE AIN'T,
AT TIMES HE FELT FAINT,
HE PASSED OUT TOPS ON HIS FINAL PARADE!!

MY CLOSE NEIGHBOUR IS TERRIBLY STOUT,
HE'S SUFFERING SEVERELY FROM GOUT.
YESTERDAY IN THE MALL
HE HAD A BAD FALL,
ALL THE NEIGHBOURS HEARD HIM BELLOW AND SHOUT!!

THE STUDENT DOCTOR WAS DOING HIS ROUNDS,
HE WAS THINKING JUST HOW MANY LBS
HE WAS LOSING IN WEIGHT
WITH HIS NICE STEADY GAIT,
AS HIS HEARTBEATS WERE IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADDY NAMED LEIGH
WHO, WHEN PLAYING RUGBY, DAMAGED HIS KNEE.
WHEN HURT IN THE SCRUM
HE ALSO DAMAGED HIS TUM,
HE NOW COACHES THE TEAM FOR A FEIGH.

THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOWCALLED GUY
HE COULD NOT LOOK HIS FRIENDS IN THE EYE!
AS HE FACED THEIR DIRECTION
BECAUSE OF A DEFLECTION,
HIS EYES FACED THE FLOOR AND THE SKY!!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED ROSE
WHO WAS NOT VERY FOND OF HER NOSE.
A GOOD COSMETICIAN
REALISED HER AMBITION
TO BE FOLLOWED WHEREVER SHE GOES!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG SCOTSMAN FROM AYR
THROUGH ILLNESS IS LOSING HIS HAIR.
THE TROUBLE HE HAS FOUND
ON LOOKING ALL AROUND
IS THAT NO ONE AT HOME SEEMS TO CARE!!

TO KEEP FIT SHE WOULD GO TO THE GYM,
THE IDEA WAS TO TRY AND GET SLIM.
AFTER MONTHS OF THIS TRYING
SHE FELT MUCH NEARER DYING,
HER HOPES OF REDUCTION WERE DIM!!!

IN THE U.K. WE BUY FISH AND CHIPS,
WHICH ARE NO GOOD AT ALL FOR THE HIPS.
IF YOU THINK THAT'S NOT NICE
TAKE YOUR DOCTOR'S ADVICE
DO NOT LET WHAT HE LISTS PASS YOUR LIPS!!

HE WASN'T BUILT FOR THE SESSIONS AT GYM,
THE GROUP WERE ALL BETTER THAN HIM.
WHEN CLIMBING A ROPE,
HE HADN'T A HOPE,
HE STARTED FAT AND HE'LL NEVER GET THIN!!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG DOCTOR FROM BARTS,
WHO SPECIALISED IN REPLACING PARTS.
WITH A KIDNEY OR LIVER
HE IS A LIFE GIVER,
BUT DOES NOTHING FOR FOLK'S BROKEN HEARTS!!

A SCIENTIST LOOKED INTO HIS BEAKER,
HIS EYES SHONE, HE SHOUTED EUREKA.
HE GAVE A LENGTHY SNEEZE
WHICH BROUGHT HIM TO HIS KNEES,
HE WAS CALLED BY HIS COLLEAGUES THE SEEKER.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED VALERIE
WHO WAS ALWAYS FIGHTING THE CALORIE.
ALTHOUGH FOOD WAS EXTENSIVE,
IT PROVED TO BE EXPENSIVE
AND USED UP A LOT OF HER SALARY.

A STUDENT NURSE CALLED PATSY PROCTOR,
HAD AMBITIONS TO MARRY THE DOCTOR.
SHE WORKED WITH A LOT,
WHO WOULD NOT TIE THE KNOT,
WHO CALLED HER A "MOUSETRAP" AND MOCKED HER!!

PHILLIPPA, WHOSE FRIENDS CALLED HER PIP,
WORKED IN A GYM WHERE SHE LOVED TO SKIP.
SHE'S AS FIT AS CAN BE,
WHAT IS MORE, IT IS FREE,
SHE LOOKS LIKE A MODEL IN HER GYMSLIP!!

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